Discover strategies for the challenges of modern life

The Steps by Dr Clodagh Campbell: Read the exclusive extract now

Since gaining her doctorate from Trinity College Dublin, Dr Clodagh Campbell has become one of Ireland's leading psychologists, podcasters and wellness experts. She strives to create awareness around our inner belief systems and the impact they can have on our lives.

In The Steps, she shares practical techniques, real-world examples and scientifically proven strategies to help you cope with the challenges of modern life. You’ll learn how to calm the chaos of your mind, understand your inner child and strengthen your self-worth, while gaining a deeper insight into your internal world.

SUPPRESSING OUR EMOTIONS VERSUS HONOURING THEM

So often we hide from our emotions. We numb them, dull them, dispel them … or at least we try to. You see, the thing about emotions is that we can’t numb them forever. The more we run from them, the more they bottle up inside us, placing immense pressure on our bodies. When we store our emotions within us our chest can feel tight, our head can pound, our shoulders can tense and our stomach can feel sick. We can also experience deep pain in our body from this experience, and sometimes, when we suppress our emotions for a really long time or if the emotions are incredibly painful or traumatic, they can manifest as disorders in our body.

REFLECTIVE PAUSE

Have you ever, seemingly out of nowhere, suddenly become flooded by emotion? Perhaps you’re watching TV and a sad scene or an evocative song causes you to begin crying uncontrollably. Or perhaps you are with a loved one, going about your day, when you break into a rant without even knowing where it came from or what is going on. Often these moments surprise us, ‘Why did I react like that? It came out of nowhere,’ but in reality the emotion was suppressed within you, awaiting a release.

Pause here to consider this before reading on.

As a human being who experiences emotions every single day, I can relate, and I can think of many times when I’ve suppressed my emotions, especially as a child. Emotions that have overwhelmed me or scared me or have felt too painful for me to process. Emotions that I ‘didn’t have time for’ or that I tried to pretend weren’t really there. Emotions that felt like an inconvenience or that I believed I wasn’t equipped to deal with. Even after becoming a psychologist and knowing about the importance of honouring our emotions!

Suppressing our emotions is something we all do, for many reasons. Perhaps it’s how we were taught to deal with our emotions as we were growing up (whether explicitly, due to messages we received from our parents and caregivers, or implicitly, through watching them navigate their own emotions), or maybe we never learned how to navigate our emotions in a healthy and helpful way. Perhaps our emotions felt overwhelming and scary, too overwhelming and scary to face. In fact, this process can often be a coping or defence mechanism; we shut down our emotions to protect ourselves from them as we feel too vulnerable or in too much pain to deal with them.

We also often label our emotions ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘positive’ or negative’, categorising them and picking and choosing the emotions we allow ourselves to feel. However, if we numb the ‘bad’, we also numb the ‘good’, and isn’t that so sad? That we may be dulling our joy and happiness? All our emotions are signals sent to guide us. They are a gift, and one we should welcome with open arms because they offer us such valuable information. For example, they help us to understand how the people ar ound us make us feel. Do we feel safe and content in their company and in how they interact with us? Are we happy when we’re around them and do they leave us feeling better than when we met them?

Conversely, I’m sure there has been a time in your life where you’ve felt irritated by how someone has spoken to you or treated you. What were your emotions signalling to you in this moment? Did you give yourself the gift of considering this? Our emotions also guide us on what matters to us and what’s important in our lives. They help us to live a life that’s true and authentic to us and that feels meaningful. Isn’t that gorgeous? And isn’t that something you wish for yourself ? I know it is how I would like to live my one and precious life.

REFLECTIVE PAUSE

What is your relationship with your emotions like? Do you allow yourself to feel them or do you push them down, numbing and dulling them? If the latter, why do you think you do this? Does this tactic work or do they escape to the surface regardless, often when you least expect them or want them to?

Spend a moment considering these questions before moving on. If you would like to really reflect on these questions, reach for a piece of paper and a pen and write down the thoughts that come. Take your time. There is no need to rush this process, so give yourself this gift and reap the rewards that will come.

If you can relate to any (or all) of the above, you are not alone, I promise you. In fact, so often I see people suppressing their emotions in my therapy room, or categorising them as good and bad, and as I shared above, this is something I too do when my emotions feel too much for me, as they sometimes do for us all. But no matter what your relationship has been like with your emotions up to now, you have found yourself here at this very moment for a reason, and with my help, it’s time to begin honouring your emotions and working through them so that you can reach a place of freedom within your mind, body and soul.